The approach I use most in my sessions is Schema Therapy, and I’m going to explain a little more about this modality, which isn’t very well known in Spain but is widely used in the Netherlands, the United States, Germany, Australia, Latin America, and elsewhere.
This approach focuses on helping us understand why we repeat certain emotional and relational patterns, even when we know they are harmful. It tries to look beyond the symptoms and understand the roots of our suffering, connecting the past with the present in a clear and fairly structured way.
It was developed by Jeffrey Young in the 1990s as an evolution of cognitive-behavioral therapy, also integrating elements of attachment theory, humanistic psychology, Gestalt therapy, and psychoanalysis. It is obviously trauma-informed and takes into account how things we lacked, or abuses that occurred, affect us in the present.
According to multiple published studies, it is effective for people who have experienced early relationship traumas, repetitive relationship patterns, or chronic feelings of fear, emptiness, self-criticism… It is a useful approach if you want to understand yourself and have more clarity, improve relationships, and learn to live a little more calmly and with more freedom of choice.
What are schemas?
Schemas are deep-seated patterns of thought, emotion, and behavior that form during childhood and adolescence. They originate from our early experiences with attachment figures—mothers, fathers, caregivers, teachers—and remain active throughout life.
When our basic emotional needs were not adequately met, we developed coping mechanisms to survive: suppressing our feelings, pleasing others, withdrawing, trying to control the situation, or constantly seeking approval. These strategies helped protect us at the time, but over time they become automatic patterns that limit us and prevent us from living a fulfilling life.
Basic emotional needs include:
- Feeling safe and connected to others.
- Being seen, heard, and emotionally validated.
- Being able to freely express needs and emotions.
- Feeling autonomous and competent.
- Having boundaries and guidance.
When any of these needs were not consistently met, the child internalized a sense of lack that could later manifest as disfunctional schemas: fear of abandonment, shame, mistrust, excessive demands, self-sacrifice, dependency, among many others.
These patterns act as lenses through which we interpret reality. They cause us to react intensely, choose relationships similar to those of the past, or feel that we “always end up in the same place.”
Modes: different characters that live within us
One of the most powerful concepts in Schema Therapy is that of “modes.”
Modes are emotional states, like internal parts or like different characters in a movie and that movies is your life) that are activated in difficult moments. Each mode represents different emotions, behaviours and learned strategies.
For example, a person might have a Vulnerable Child Mode, which feels fear or loneliness; a Critic Mode, which judges and demands; a Protective Mode, which disconnects or isolates; and also a Healthy Adult Mode, that wise and responsible part and set boundaries.
In therapy, the goal is not to eliminate modes, but to learn to recognize, understand, and not let carried away by them. We discover which part is active in each situation and how to give it what it needs without it taking control.
Through this work, we develop a stable, compassionate, and mature inner figure: the Healthy Adult. This part learns to listen to the Vulnerable Child, soothe the Protective, set boundaries with the Critic, and make decisions that are more consistent with our real needs and current values.
How a Schema Therapy session looks like
In EVERY session, we’ll do experiential exercises. We won’t just talk.
First, we’ll talk, yes, and see how you’re feeling, if there’s anything important to mention, and then we’ll usually do an exercise using techniques like the empty chair, dialogue with the parts, guided imagery, or Imagery Rescripting.
The idea is not to stay in the realm of the rational, the mind, and theory alone, but to get down to action, to get our hands dirty. This way, the changes will also happen on an experiential and emotional level. At the end of the session, we generally decide on the homework or practices you’ll focus on during the week.
Some sessions will focus more on understanding patterns, identifying automatic thoughts, emotions, and repetitive behaviors. In others, we’ll revisit past scenes to learn how to give your emotional side, your vulnerable inner child, what it didn’t receive then. And over time, you’ll gradually learn to internalize a more compassionate voice and become your own support.
Body-mind integration
In the therapeutic process, I integrate Schema Therapy with a somatic and body-oriented approach because I consider the body essential for allowing change to occur. The body and nervous system hold memories and emotions that often cannot be put into words. Learning to listen to these bodily sensations helps us recognize when a schema is activated and how we can regulate ourselves more consciously and effectively.
You are not a head separate from a body. They are completely interconnected, and this interrelationship is more than evident thanks to all the research of recent years in the fields of neuroscience and medicine. Stress, fears, anxiety, and haste are felt in the body, they escape through the pores, in the form of skin problems, muscle pain, digestive issues… It is completely impossible to separate our ailments into little boxes and try to solve things in isolation.
And even if we have been functioning in a certain way for years, the nervous system can also learn something new. With time, security, and therapeutic work, we can feel more regulated, more connected to ourselves, and live with considerably less suffering.
It’s about gradually developing our more mature, wise, and healthy side. This allows us to respond differently, set clearer boundaries, choose more nourishing relationships, and treat ourselves with greater tenderness.
Schema Therapy reminds us that the patterns we repeat are not personal flaws, but rather learned survival mechanisms. And that, with the right guidance, they can be gradually transformed.
One must still have chaos in oneself
to be able to give birth to a dancing star
— F. W. Nietzsche